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BittersweetRain4Member Since:
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Hey everyone! My name is Jessi and I'm 15/f/IL. I've always been excellent at giving advice...or so I've been told by my friends. So you can ask me anything and everything...although I have a rather special talent for makeup emergencies (considering my mom sells it) and for dealing with affairs of the heart. (Some of my friends automatically come to me for boy problems.)And, without further ado...my advice column!
advice
okay well you see, my boyfriend told me that his parents are getting divorced because his best friends mom was hitting on his dad all the time and it was ticking my boyfriends mom off so she said she wanted a divorce. i promised him i would tell anyone and then one night when two of my best friends slept over they figured something was up so they asked me & i told them. some how now one of my best friend's sisters and all her friends know and i'm afraid because my boyfriend's best friend doens't know anything about their parents and stuff and i promised not to tell and now i'm afirad that some how he is gonna find out that almost everyone knows and he is gonna think it was me who ktold & ididn't and he's broken up with me a couple times before for stupid reasons and this is big and i'm scared he is gonna do it again and he is gonna gget in trouble with his parents for telling me. and i have know clue what to do or say or what. i just don't want to make the situation worse.please help me out here :'(
First of all, you said "he is gona think it was me who told and I didn't." The fact of the matter is you DID tell some people about. (Unless I read the explanation wrong.)
Secondly, it is true that you shouldn't have told your friends. If you wanted to talk about the situation some more, you probably should have talked to your boyfriend about it, or at least not given your friends too many details. Just for future reference.
However, you did tell them, and the word is out. Now what do you do? You may not like this answer, but...you just have to own up to it. You have to be the bigger person and confess and apologize. Your boyfriend will probably be pretty angry with you and not trust you. I couldn't really blame him, some things are just kind of confidential and don't need to be repeated. You'll just have to make it up to him by apologizing and show him that he really can trust you...this was a huge step backwards in the relationship, and it'll take some time to gain a full level of trust back.
Though I also do not think if he is a good guy that he would break up with you for doing this...it was a mistake, but I believe everything can be forgiven. Which brings me to another point: if he has broken up with you so many times for "stupid reasons" then perhaps you should re-evaluate the relationship altogether. It might not be working out.
That was long, and I hope it helped a little. Sorry I was a little unsupportive, but I'm very very big on trust. If you want more help or want to talk things out (I promise I'll be more compassionate, lol) you can IM me sometime at BittersweetRain4.
Good luck!
well ive been a christian since i was 7 but for the past year ive barely even prayed and i dont feel a connection with God..everytime i do pray i just ask for him to forgive my sins because im afraid if i died right now i'd go to hell..no matter what i do i cant seem to get it right and so lately ive just been putting it off but thats not right. how do i start to feel a connection to God again and stop feeling so empty spirutually?
I've had this problem several times, it comes in phases... The best thing to do is to sit down before you go to bed and say, "Lord, I know I've been drifting from You lately, and I feel so empty. Help me to find You again that I might be filled with You once more." Have a little talk with Him, like you would with a friend. Tell Him how you've been feeling lately, ask Him to help you find things you could do to be closer to Him again, maybe even cry, it helps in the long run.
I also recommend reading Conversations With God for Teens, by Neale Donald Walsch. It's an EXCELLENT book for getting back into the swing of Christianity, to re-enter the world of God. It also answers a lot of the toughest questions about Christianity along the way, and was very helpful to me overall.
Sorry this answer is so long, but one more thing: talk to one of your Christian friends about it, or maybe even a parent. Just someone who shares your religion who you can trust and you think might be able to help you through it. If you have a bible study or small group or something, bring it up there. I know that I would not be half as strong in my faith if it were not for my small bible study I attend, and having a support group can do WONDERS.
Good luck, and I'll be praying for you.
Weird situation here.
Or is it a situation at all?
I'm 13, and a girl, and this year I started at a new school. Our grade is reallly small, and there are 2 kind of...defined groups of girls. One is the preps, who get a lot more attention. The other group, which I'm pretty much in, can't really have a name, or label, because we're all really different.
Ok so at lunch today, it was so annoying, they don't talk. And it's not like they're just not talking to me, I know they're not mad, they invite me to their houses a lot- they just don't talk to eachother. No one is mad or anything, it's almost like they have nothing to say. They're not into fashion, or music, celebrity stuff, school, any other girl stuff, or any other HUMAN stuff. It's like they never watch the news, either. There is a never ending list of things to talk about in this world! They just don't say a word. When I start a conversation about ANYTHING, all I get is a "uh huh" or "mmhm".
I don't really think these are my friends...I mean we never do anything friends do. We've had like 5 sleepovers, and they were all really boring...to me at least...like I've never been mean to any of them. I'm not really sure if they like me. I am, what you could call "acquaintances" with the other group of girls, but not real friends. And I can't be friends with them because I'm just not preppy and I would never fit in with them. Even though I hear them talking about stuff and doing stuff I would always do.
I'm really confused because I've always had a best friend at school...and now I don't. And I really hate it, and I don't know what to do. If you read all this or you can help thank you so much...
Making friends (and at a new school) is always kind of hard. It takes guts to put yourself out there for the first time and make your presence known to people. What I would do is talk to these "preppy" girls a little more, maybe in classes or inbetween classes. If they talk about and do things that you like to do, then you probably will fit in with them. Clothes, hair, and makeup isn't what it's ALL about. If they're any kind of girls who you would want to be friends with, then they'll see how much you have in common and ask you to join them for a get-together or sleepover or something. Just get a little more open with them about who you are every time you talk to them. Be yourself! Maybe if you even mention how you're having trouble making close friends (but don't lay on some sob story) they'll invite you out -- people actually LIKE being nice to the new girl sometimes.
Best of luck!
This might sound a little conceited but I'm really not.
I've always gotten complements from guys, girls, family, and friends about my looks and them telling me that I'm pretty/hot/gorgeous/cute/etc.
And well, it seems like most guys just want to go out with me because of my looks. I'm going on a date with this guy I like this Friday and today I was talking to him when he said "I'm really excited about this weekend you're so hot and I finally have a chance with you"
That just kind of got me upset because what if my past dates/boyfriends only dated me because of looks?
Is it weird that sometimes I wish that I didn't look the way I do?
It's not weird at all! There are pros and cons about every situation that we deal with in life -- we just have to decide how we are going to deal with it. Pretty people can date almost anyone they want...but they can't always tell the intentions of the pursuer. Homely people may not get hit on very often, but they do know when a relationship is for real. You could also make a contrast between rich and poor, young and old, brunette and blonde...it's just a different situation for everyone.
This guy seems to be saying things that might not go along with what you are looking for in a guy, though. If I were you I would probably go out on this date with him Friday, then afterwards let him down slowly and easily, telling him you don't have the same feelings for him.
And by the way, I think you are very mature for being concerned about this. Looks aren't everything, and I'm glad you realize that.
my friend is starting a really cool campground and music deal. what kind of advertising gets your attention and would make you go to something like it? the bands? the facilities being nice?
I would really play up all the bands that are going to be there. Cornerstone, a huge Christian rock band rally, draws soooo many people...and almost all of them are sleeping in tents and don't shower for days. Therefore, although nice facilities is a big plus, if people hear about their favorite bands having a concert they will show up regardless. Music lovers will do anything to see their favorite band in person!
ok i am an athiest i have read many things supportin the exsitence nad nonexstence of god. I was just curious as to why people believe so strongly in a religion or a single god.
This website is not set up very well, but it does have a lot on it to think about...
www.godproven.com
I gave up gossiping because apparently everyone thinks I have a problem with it and when I hear something, it's the hardest thing to keep my mouth shut! I haven't broken my vow yet, and I don't plan on it, as hard as it is. I have broken it past years with things like candy and complaining last year. I was just wondering, how many teens and young adults here find it hard to keep your vows for lent? Even if it's something simple like, sodas. Have y'all been able to keep your vows completely so far?
Of course it is difficult! It's hard for everyone. I myself am an INSANE cookie fanatic, but I gave them up for Lent, and I have kept that promise! Even when friends taunted me with them, even when Girl Scout Cookies were delivered (believe me that was really hard), even when I thought it might not be such a big deal if I ate just one, even when my own parents ate Oreos RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! (I mean, the NERVE of some people!)
One time I did say, "Well, maybe I'll just have one..." My friend was teasing me, and he said, "Oh, sure, Jesus DIED a painful death for you, and you can't even show him you love him by giving up cookies..." He was just giving me a hard time -- I don't even think HE gave anything up -- but I thought about it, and he was right. It was a really empowering thought for me, too: Jesus was whipped, beaten, ridiculed, and nailed to a cross. He wouldn't get his life back...but we get to do whatever we gave up again after just 40 days.
Uh, I think I can take a pass on some Oreos for a few weeks.
Ok. I'm a Christian, but I do not know the Bible cover to cover like some people do. I have 3 friends, who I love dearly, but they are just totally lost and I really want to save them but I have no clue as of how to do that. Like.. Ok.. here's their stories.
Billy 16-years-old: He's a terrible alcoholic who parties all the time and sometimes gets high but he is surely damned to hell because he has committed sexual immortality several times. He is one of those people who doesnt care about the Bible or God and makes jokes about religion at times. So I do not know how to talk to the guy.
Jessica 15-years-old: She's like my best friend but she's like never been to church. I've invited her before several times, but she always comes up with a reason not to go. And here lately we've lost friendship & she has lost herself to starting to drink because of peer pressure and she's became sexually active, so to say. And she's similiar to Billy, doesnt care.
Brittany 15-years-old: She's bisexual and she parties like every weekend and gets soo drunk & she cusses all the time but everytime I mention church or something of the sort, she cracks a joke & says something like, "Gosh you're such a goodie-goodie". And even though she's never had sex, she's did other stuff with girls and guys, so. I really want to help her & even though she goes to church often, she doesnt act Christian-like at all.
I really care for these people because they are like 3 of my best friends, but I have no clue has to how to help them. They are sooo young and if they were to die tomorrow or even today, they would go straight to hell & I really want to share my eternity with them in Heaven. So anyone with any advice, please help.
First I would just like to say that taking advice from an Atheist about being a Christian is probably not in your best interest, so don't let those comments bring you down about your religion. I don't mean to bash Atheists, I'm just saying I don't go up to them and tell them how to be Atheist so they shouldn't give me advice on what to do as a Christian.
Also, just because your friends are drinking doesn't mean they are going to hell. In fact, to my knowledge the only unforgivable sin is suicide, and the only other way you won't get into Heaven is if you don't accept Jesus as your Lord and savior. We have a forgiving God.
I have a bible study with three girls who I have become VERY close to. We have all had this same problem, because none of us are well-versed (no pun intended) with the bible, and we have some friends that we are worried about as well. We want to witness to them, but it is my experience that trying to push your religion on someone really does backfire, as some of these other advice columnists have told you. They don't like it, and it usually only makes them more biased against whatever you are trying to get across to them.
So where do you draw the line? How do you know when you've said or done too much?
What I've decided for now is that I am going to lead by example. I am going to pray for help, I am going to give thanks to God, I am going to let others see how happy God makes me. Believe me, people notice when all of a sudden you are happy and things are seeming to go your way.
If you need more help, I would love to chat with you through e-mail or on AIM. My screen name is BittersweetRain4 and my e-mail is BittersweetRain4@aim.com. Please, I would love to help you with this. I have learned a lot through my bible study and I think I could answer a lot of your questions. And the ones that I can't I can take to my bible study and ask our "mom" (that's what we call our leader) for help.
Hope I've been somewhat helpful. And don't hesitate, I'm only an IM away!
ok well i love music but i only have like 600 songs on my ipod and i wanna download some more but i dont really know what to get. I like bands like fall out boy, panic at the disco, nickleback, alkaline trio. I dont really like rap, r&b and that stuff.
any suggestions??(spelling?)
Ugh. Sorry to you fans out there, but I can't stand Simple Plan, so I don't recommend them. I do love Fall Out Boy though, and even though these bands don't particularly sound like them, maybe you'll like them...
Brandtson
Anberlin
All-American Rejects
Dashboard Confessional
Green Day
Yellowcard
Switchfoot
3 Doors Down
Relient K (they're Christian so if you are Jewish or something you can ignore this, but they are amazing musicians)
Matchbox Twenty
Rob Thomas
Ok Go
Jimmy Eat World
Ah yes, silly as this may sound but I am in my twenties and having trouble striking up a conversation with this girl whom I happen to like. I have no problem smiling, winking, or saying hi, but thats it. Than i get nervous and words disappear. How do I strike up a conversation with her and actually get her interest. That without saying something silly. I don't mean over coffe or dinner. Just a random approach. Your tips and advice will always be very much appreciated.
First of all, don't be ashamed of being in your twenties and not know how to approach a girl. Men older than you STILL don't seem to know how to treat us. But, to tell you the truth, a little shyness in a guy is adorable. So embrace it. (Just not to the point of anti-socialness.)
It's hard to give you a line that is going to be universal enough for you to use. It's much better if you look specifically at what is around her, what she is doing, or who she is talking to. (Don't, however, look at what she's wearing and compliment her on it. If you haven't had a full conversation with her before, or you're not really friends with her, it will make you seem a little less straight. It is only okay to compliment when you are kind of friends with her.)
Anyway, let's say she is reading a book. Ask her what it is, who wrote it, if it's any good. Mention your own favorite book, ask her what hers is...Voila, you have just started a conversation about books.
Also, for a first conversation, make sure it is not too lengthy. You don't want to seem to be trying too hard to come on to her. Keep it nice and short. That way, later, she'll think, "That was kind of cool of him to be interested in what I was reading," rather than, "He talked for about twenty minutes about Ernest Hemingway when all I really wanted to do was get back to my book."
Now I obviously don't know if she reads a lot of books, or if you do for that matter, but it's all relative. Maybe she is listening to music, or eating something interesting...I don't know, that was kind of random, but whatever works.
Remember, just stay confident when you talk to her. The way you carry yourself is important. She has no reason to shut you down if you be yourself and stay polite!
Okay, I have a boyfriend and I love him more then anything. Only theres this little problem. I haven't gotten over my ex boyfriend. Me and him have been goin on and off for the past year or 2. He's moving at the end of the year and he now has a new girlfriend. He told me that once he could drive he would come back for me. (We're both 13) Only he told me that a few months ago before we went out again. I sort of flirt with him alot and don't realize it. My question is, am I cheating on my current boyfriend in anyway by flirting with my ex? He doesn't flirt back or anything because im pretty sure he doesnt like me like that anymore. I dont want to cheat on my boyfriend, and if I did i didnt mean to. Please help
I'll rate high im desparate for help =[
By definition, you are not cheating on your boyfriend. However, you are definitely not treating him the way a girlfriend should. He deserves to know the truth, that you still have a thing for your ex. It isn't fair to him.
I have my iPod plugged into iTunes and I have all the songs I want to transfer into my iPod. The problem is when I go to 'File', where it says 'Update iPod', it's gray and won't let me click on it. Can someone help me?
If your iPod is showing up on the "Source" list on the left, then you need to go to the top bar on iTunes and click Edit. Then click on Preferences. Then click on the tab that says "iPod." I'm not sure what exactly it says, but there will be an option with a circle next to it that says something along the lines of "Automatically update" or something. I think it is the first option. Click the circle.
Ok...Does anyone know any sites for Free Ringtones or some that doesn't cost more than about $2? Thankyou.
My sisters gave me a site -- www.3gforfree.com. Have fun!
Do you believe that "God" has already planned out our destiny, or do you believe we make our own destiny?
And do you believe everything happens for a reason, or do you feel that's just some clever line a thinker thought up to try to reduce the amount of stress and anger in our lives?
To some extent, I believe in the fact that God already knows what he wants us to accomplish in life. I'm sure there are certain thoughts he sends to us, maybe ideas, to help us along our journey. But we still have free will - we either choose to recognize that God is talking to us, or we make the mistake of ignoring it all our lives. Don't be scared that you won't recognize it is God; if there is a purpose you are here (and there is, because everyone has a purpose) then God will never stop trying to show you what it is. He won't let it go.
Also, I do like to think that everything happens for a reason. Now I'm not saying that there's a whole world of thought behind what you were going to have for lunch, but I am saying that I'm pretty sure there are things that God wants us to experience. Everytime I'm in a bad situation I ask myself, "What does God what me to get out of this?" He never stops trying to teach us and help us along in life.
ok im crazy about my bf. no one knows im dating him. he would do anything for me. but im worried what everyone will think. me and him have talked about it. and he is cool with it. he said it is my life and i can let people knwo about us only if i want. im not ashamed of him by no means. i dont know why i cant tell anyone. he always says that we dotn have to have the whole world nkow about us to have a good relationship. i agree. but i feel like im keeping my life away from everyone. what would you do in my position. ill rate high.
If you really really care about him, the least you can do is start out by telling your closer friends. Eventually you will have to tell people, because you don't want to lie to guys and tell them you don't have a boyfriend, so they think you are available and hit on you. If you are not willing to do this, maybe you should evaluate how you actually feel about him.
ahh i bite my nails!!! its a really bad habit! i do it when im not paying attention anyone have any tips for stopping?
Oh, I have had the same problem, do not WORRY! I know what it's like to not be able to stop. This is what I do - I put nail polish on my nails. It doesn't necessarily taste bad, but when it's on there, I don't want to bite, because then I'll get nasty nailpolish in my mouth and, like...eat it! Haha. Plus, with nail polish, your nails will also look stylish while helping you break a bad habit. How much better can it get?!
ok my boyfriend and me have been going out for 3 weeks now and it seem like we arnt going anywhere. i mean we have gone to the movies 2 times and out to eat twice and then ice skating and we held hands during both movies but he wont kiss me or anything. is he afraid? what can i do to get him to kiss me? his friends and my friends have told him too but he wont. what can i do to get our relationship going. or is he showing me signs that he has no feelings for me? please help me. thanks.
Chances are your boyfriend is just shy. You could try making the first move yourself and see what kind of response you get. If you get a negative response, then ask him if he doesn't like you or if he just isn't comfortable with the touchy part of relationships. There are some people (like my friend Becca) who have a personal space bubble, and they don't like to be touched very much. Either way, you should talk it out with your boyfriend and see if he just isn't ready for those steps in your relationship or if he's just nervous or if he's trying to tell you through lack of kissing that he doesn't have feelings for you. (I highly doubt the cause for not kissing you is because he doesn't like you, but I guess you never know.) Just sit him down and talk with him about it - otherwise, you'll never know! Oh, and one more point: just because you guys aren't getting anywhere in the kissing department does NOT mean your relationship isn't getting anywhere. It's not all about that, you know! ;)
hey, I just asked the high school question about my hair & makeup. Sorry, I forgot that I wasn't specific enough. I have red hair about 3 inches past my shoulder. I have an oval face and blue eyes and pale skin with freckles. Any ideas for a cool haircut (I wanna keep my hair long, no shorter than past my shoulder). Thanks SO much! you're an awesum grl! By the way the website couldn't let me give you feedback but I rated you a 5!! You helped so much! lyl!
Light green eyeshadow would work wonders on you. Just a little though, and make sure it's evenly distributed. Drives me crazy when I see girls who have chunky eyeshadow on one part of their eye, and then there's like bare eyelid on another part. AH!
Also, if you have pale skin, I would make sure that you get just the right color of foundation. Probably something with a rosier tint, because redheads tend to have rosy skin. When you have fair skin it is really easy to put on a foundation that is WAY to yellow or orange. Not a good look.
As for the haircut, I would just keep growing it out longer for now if I were you. I know that a lot of guys really like long hair, if that's a plus for you. :) But if you don't want to keep growing it out, talk to a stylist at a local salon and ask them what they think would work best with your hair and face shape. I think that layering is also a possibility...maybe even some long bangs. Long bangs are really in - I saw that on "A Makeover Story" on TLC! But really, I would talk to a professional. I am personally going to vote for growing it out or getting layers. Layers can be so cute to work with!
Once again, good luck, and thank you for the rating!
Hey I love your advice! You are so cool!
btw, I have a problem. Like I'm going to this co-ed high school, and we have to wear uniforms. How can I wear my hair? Do you have "natural makeup" tips? Thanks so much I really appreciate your answer! P.S. Your column is awesome!
Well, first of all, thank you for the compliments! I'm glad you enjoy my column.
Anyway, on to the good stuff. For hair, it depends on if there is some kind of code for how you wear your hair at your high school. I mean, I've never heard of anything like that before, but who knows, right? If there aren't any rules...I'd wear it down, especially if you have long hair. I know from talking to guys a lot that they like long hair, and they like it when it's worn down. That doesn't mean you ALWAYS have to wear it down, because it is a lot of work to make it cute when you wear it down. But down always looks the best, maybe using a curling iron and curling it under or flipping it out. If you pull it back, go for a simple pony tail or messy bun, and tie a ribbon in it. (Ribbons are so cute!) I could be more specific if you e-mailed me and told me your hair type/length and any other specifics like it's frizzy or dry, etc.
Second, make-up. Natural make-up is easy. Whatever you put on, make sure it's light, subtle, and not really bright. I'll only tell you colors that would give you a natural look. Eyes: tans and light browns. That is the only color you can wear on your lids and still look natural. Black OR brown mascara is a nice touch. And if you're going for an uber-natural look, avoid eyeliner.
Face/Cheek: A thin, all-over foundation can smooth out your skin tone, but make sure you don't use too much or make your skin look orange or yellow. It can happen if you don't choose the right color. And blush? A simple faint pink will do. And do not put those pink circles on your face like they have on china dolls - definitely NOT a good look. Take your brush, apply a little blush, and lightly stroke it up your cheek bone.
Lips: Clear gloss is the only way to go for a natural look.
If you want mor specifics, e-mail me at Uqtiyq00! I'd be happy to help further. Good luck with the natural look!
My friend Harmony is always telling me that I need to let God into my life and look to him as a source of comfort. I believe that God exists, but I have doubts about whether he really cares or not. I feel like she trying to force me to believe like she does. I respect the fact that she is strong in her faith, but I don't neccesarily want to talk about it with her. She gets really offended when I say something that she doesn't think is right. When I told her that I didn't want her to tell me to go to God for guidance, she got angry and told me that at least she knew that she couldn't be open with me anymore. Am I wrong for asking her to not talk about this? How to I tell her that I would rather not talk about God without offending her?
I don't think that your friend Harmony is trying to preach to you. Maybe she is just trying to share what she thinks about God, and she wants to try to help you when you are in pain by saying that God is a great source of comfort for her. And you aren't wrong for asking Harmony to not talk about this. But maybe you are wrong, in her opinion, for saying some things about God that made her upset, such as how he doesn't care. Religion can be a very touchy subject, and I doubt she means to come off so preachy. Remember, she is your friend. She only wants to help you.